Obsessed With Food?

The truth is my relationship with food was never great. I’ve binged, I’ve purged, I’ve restricted. As a kiddo I remember getting an Easter basket, hiding in my room and finishing every last piece. As a teen who was sick of being bullied for the weight I was carrying around, I turned to restriction— not a calorie over 1200, run 3 miles every day minimum, zero calorie everything. It worked, I lost the weight but I couldn’t sustain it. I binged on pizza and sweets, I gained weight back, I freaked out and restricted. At one low point I remember losing control and binging on a box of cookies after school, I was terrified so I purged. I felt ashamed, vowed never to throw up again and turned to exercise. The cycle continued. Restrict, binge, purge.

In college I restricted all day on a mission to never gain the freshmen 15. On the weekends I would black out after a few shots. The alcohol amplified by the fact I hadn’t eaten all day. Blackout Shelby would binge on Mcdonalds and Mesa Pizza, wake up ashamed & angry and repeat the cycle— binge, restrict and purge. It wasn’t until post-college when I decided I needed to quite with the extremes. I started lifting weights because it allowed for my binges not to leave me quite so bloated, therefore less guilty. It was my first baby step on the road to recovery and if I’m being real with all of you I am still on that road. I still have days where I eat to the point of discomfort, I still have urges to ignore my hunger signals and I still have days when I want to exercise purge.

I spent most of my life thinking my relationship with food was about self-control and motivation. I felt frantic around food. I ignored internal cues. I would zone out and eat far more than what my body could really handle. If this story resonates with you babe, know this: “being motivated” has nothing to do with your relationship to food. You have to heal the inner turmoil before you can find peace with your relationship with food.

Before I continue let me add this disclaimer. I am still very much on my journey. I still have days where I get lost in a jar of almond butter. I still have days where I lay down in my bed at night and feel bloated from a binge on chickpea cookie dough bites but I’m healing. I’m listening to what those binges are telling me. I’m starting to learn what is at the root of all of my eating behaviors & you can do the same. If you feel out of control. If you’re not sure what goes into your body. I you feel addicted its time to start to get to the root of whats causing that relationship.

Lets start at the beginning, childhood. Whether you realize it or not it is very likely that this is where that imbalanced relationship with food began. Maybe you had a mother who was chronically dieting and her energy with food was very anxious so you picked up that anxiety. Maybe you grew up poor and didn’t always have enough food on the dinner table so you’re constantly eating, eating, eating because deep down there is a fear that there will never be enough. Maybe you’re like me and were an energetically sensitive child, who grew up in a household where there was a lot of unexpressed emotion and unhealthy expressions of emotions so you used food to shove down all of the pain instead of feeling it.

So take a moment to think back. What was your relationship with food as a kid? When did you start to have disordered eating patterns or a food obsession? What was the energy around meals in your household? What were your family member’s relationship with food? This can give you a lot of insight about why you are the way you are with food today.

So fast forward to today. What does your relationship with food look like now? If you’re restricting or if you’re binging there is a reason. Often food can be used to avoid an emotion or feeling. That relationship with food can reflect your inner state. For me, when I’m feeling frantic or stressed in my work life my meals often feel rushed, frantic and I find myself literally shoveling food into my mouth as quickly as I can without really tuning into how satisfied I am. Its as mindless as it gets and I’m totally zoned out. I’ll find my plate empty and not remember eating it. When I’m not processing emotions like anger, hurt, loneliness food is there. I literally stuff down those emotions with food, its my drug of choice.

Awareness is the first step. Changing the conversation around food, exploring your emotions, diving into old patterns, seeing how your inner condition reflects your relationship with food is key. This is how you heal. This is how you shift the relationship. I’m not you, I don’t know what works for you but if you don't take time to dive into WHY your behaviors are this way, they’ll never change. Journal, meditate and have the conversation about what is at the root of the obsession. Remember you are your own best guru, deep down, somewhere you know whats at the root of this.


If you’re ready to really dive in. Heres where to start:

Journaling: (From Gabrielle Bernstein)

  • What have I emotionally been avoiding?

  • How is my relationship with food a reflection of my internal state?

  • What was the energy around food during my childhood? ** If you already have some awareness with this, remember there is always more for us to uncover, more for us to understand.

  • How does my relationship with food reflect my faith in God, Universe, Creator?

Kundalini Meditation for insight/intuition:

  • Sit cross-legged on a meditation pillow or the floor. Play mediation music.

  • Gently close your eyes, they should be looking upward at your crown chakra.

  • When you breathe, expand your stomach and diaphragm on the inhale & deflate it on the exhale. Be sure not to breathe into your shoulders.

  • Connect the tip of your thumb to the tip of your ring finger, your other fingers should be straight.

  • Your elbows bent, hands pointed out, disconnected fingers pointed towards the sky and arms close into your ribcage.

  • Stay in the mediation for 11 minutes. After is a great time to free flow write the answers to the above questions.

Changing the Language Around Food:

  • How is this food serving me?

  • What value is this providing my body?

Affirmations:

  • I love myself so much I’m choosing not to put this into my body.

  • I love my food and my food loves me.

Prayer:

  • Ask God, universe, creator, whatever you believe in to take this one. Ask him to guide you on releasing these patterns. “Give it to God”.

If you’ve tried it all and you’re still struggling. Keep your eyes peeled as I continue to shift my own eating patterns and behaviors I’ll be sharing with you everything thats helped me and is currently helping me release this obsession with food, heal the relationship with food and finally feel free of the food chains. {Get your name on my email list if you want to be the first to hear about when the course launches.}