I write this slathered in essential oils, sage burning, snuggled under the warmth of my fluffy white comforter, sappy romance songs playing, bawling. Its not pretty, my face is red, eyes puffy, nose running, silent sobs. I wonder why I do this, why I continue to give bit and pieces of my soul to another human.
I just hung up the phone with the guy I’ve been seeing over the past few months. He was paper perfect —smart, handsome, fit, successful, mature and so sweet -- everything I had hoped to find. I loved the comfort of our routines, I enjoy his company & was in awe with how very sweet one human could be.
I shove down the nagging feeling that something is off. Hi intuition, really we’re doing this again? Give it a few more dates, maybe the “feeling” takes time. Oh she says, you’ve been here before, you've dated dozens of paper perfect men. Remember when you almost moved in with your “paper perfect” human? How relieved were you when that didn’t work out?
So finally I remember why I started dating in the first place, to find my soul human the man who makes my heart skip a few beats, who sees my soul, the man who I can stay up with into wee hours of the night talking about all of our shared hopes and dreams & life philosophies.
So as crazy as it may seem to many & even to me — I release him. He was never mine to keep, his soul belongs with someone else. The tears stream down my cheeks and I wonder how crazy is it that we spend so much time knowing someone, caring about someone and then just like that we cut them out of our lives.
And then the questions come pouring in.
Why do I do this?
What is the purpose of this?
Am I being to picky?
Will I ever meet him?
Will the pain having given my soul to so many heal?
But intuition knows what to say, “he is coming” and I feel some peace in the pain. I the knowing that I am waiting for my soul human. So my dear friend, if you are waiting, I write this for you.
He (/she) IS coming.
So when intuition speaks, listen.
Know how you want to FEEL with him.
Don’t compromise your VALUES.
Don’t expect him to fit your every expectation.
Stop dating from a place of NEED and SCARCITY. You are magical all on your own, have fun being a the solo unicorn (you’ll attract more unicorns when you’re having fun), go on the road trip, take yourself on a movie date and just be happy.
Write him letters, every day. Little love notes to tell him you’re ready, you’re waiting and just how magical its going to be when two unicorns unite.
& babe when you’re not sure if your heart can take another missing piece. Remember that each person you encounter along the way is a teacher. They have a piece of your heart for a reason. Your souls were united for a purpose and even with all the missing pieces you are whole.